Past Tense

Past Tense

One of the strange things about getting older is the sense you live in almost a parallel universe your brain is triggered by some past experience or incident and you end up being taken back to a time long ago when the world was a different and so were you. A smell, picture or specially a piece of music propels you back to what was and the pictures of that past is really vivid.

Out on a fishing trip the other day with a friend we went past an old caravan park that I stayed at with family and friend and the vivid memories of those times and a girl flashed through my brain like it was yesterday. The pictures seemed real even the names were there which is strange as I think  long term memory mainly deals in pictures. The brain doctors these picture for sure but they are still  vivid. I commented to Steve my fishing partner on what had transpired those many years ago and . had a laugh and some fun at my expense. This is another pleasure of past tense  reliving and reminiscing on times long gone. Deriving pleasure not regret from the memories.

My dog Bogie (Pictured) was seventeen, when he died not long ago he was mostly deaf and half blind but he still managed to get around if but slowly. Many the time now I look for him as I pass his favourite spot, reach out for him as I get up from my chair, or make sure I do not trip over him as I get out of bed but I am only tripping over shadows. I remember what he was the way he used to run, jump catch birds in the air, chase rabbits, possums any thing that moved. But the memories of him are strong the pictures like a slide show of the times we ran and played in younger fields.

I look at my beautiful wife Maureen (43 years married) and I cannot help being swept back by the tide of events we have experienced together. Whether it be young love in Bendigo, lay missionary, Army, business days, family raising, travelling, sad times, deaths, marriages, birth, tragedy, triumphs, its amazing what we have done in a busy life.  But what is equally amazing is the brains ability to remember it and to bring it back at the most odd times; the taste of a wine, the odd remark, the look, the gesture, the quiet need of contemplation, the touch, the smell of a flower, or the scent of a perfume can start of a cascade of memories.

My four daughters and nine grand children evoke powerful reminisces as they grapple with life's issues and struggles. It is an easy remark to say that "history repeats itself" but in a lot of ways it does and the movie of the mind brings it back to sit beside what they are experiencing. This is a wonderful and sometimes frightening thing. Hopefully I can use it as a beneficial tool and not a judgemental one.

Yes life is strange but the mind is so much more. It is incredible really that billions of synapses working together can bring you back and paint a picture that is so real. (Not to say the picture is real the brain may trick you) even sounds smells and emotion are bought back in a cascade of memory that can make you cry, smile or wonder. Incredible really.

In these so called twilight years let us hope that I am set on making more memories not just dwelling on the past ones. But at the same time using them to shape a future for those who are close or need a hand or for those facing an uncertain future. I hope my past will shape a better future and the memory of them create pathways that are straighter because of them.

John Condliffe