Grief

Grief is like a tidal wave it knock you over and dumps you somewhere where you do not want to be. You find yourself standing in the midst of carnage and despair looking around for someone to hold onto , someone to hold you , someone to cry with, someone to be with, and all the while the after waves keep slamming into you overwhelming you with showers of what was, what could have been, and what is.

The awful reality of losing some body is not new to me and to a lot of people, some have more than their share of losing for some reason that has alluded me forever. In your reality from the lonely recesses of your being the sudden unexpected loss’s keeps reappearing into the consciousness of your day awakening feelings of frustration, anger, longing, despair, loneliness and heartache that sometimes is almost too much to bear.

Matt’s answering service features his friendly country laconic mocking refrain that his service was called Five Trees and he was “The Arborist to the Stars”. It tells you many things about the Matt we knew; his wit, humour and laconic style that attracted you too him no matter the situation. It also indicated the greatest love of his life his family and especially his five children (Five Trees) and the pride he took in his work. To see him harnessing and climbing among the branches and the limbs was to certainly see someone who was the star, not working for them.

Matt the volunteer fireman was a different person again, he loved the CFA, unit, and his mates and especially Tylden Fire Brigade where he rose to the rank of Captain at a very young age. We had the privilege to see him work/captain multiple units one dark night in Kyneton as they fought a shop fire, saving the street and other business’s there. This Captain of the CFA was another being at another level that few of us ever reach, the culmination of years of dedication, training and love of the job. Perhaps at a later stage this dedication wounded him in some mysterious way that we will never understand but as he stood and fought amongst the chaos and wreckage of  Good Friday and other fires experiencing the horrors of something beyond comprehension what scars did he sustain that are beyond our limits of reasoning?

I remember Matt the young gawky kid who came to our house (With the hat on) courting his beloved Angela and saving both of them from a lesser life. They shared many blessings in their time together including their children. Through most of it they had a fierce and passionate love, uncompromising in its intensity and unequalled by its impact. They were indeed fortunate for many years to have this, few are granted such a gift.

I remember Matt and Angy moving into their house in Tylden and the look of pure joy and contentment as they carried in not only the furniture but also the future…

I remember the incomprehension and sheer disbelief on his face as he was told Angy was having twins, and then that smile that incredible smile…as he held them for the first time...

I remember many times, many things as do you but they are for some other time some some other telling…

The mark of a man is not the medallions on his chest, the certificates on his wall… no they are the people who loved him and respected him and these are as the stars themselves for Matt.

Love You Matt

John