Relationships are all in the head.

Doing research on the chapter Relationships in my book Daughters I came across something which is so mind boggling really and so simple and common sense but something that I had not realised to any extent. I would like to share it with you.
Relationships are all in the head your relationship with other people exist in your mind and are dependant on your internal relationships. Your relationship with another person are completely dependant on what you imagine them to be, they are coloured by your mindset and thought patterns. Your relationship is based on what you think the other person thinks of you, this may or may not have some relationship to reality.
It is hard to be objective when we view every thing through the lens of our mind so the relationships we think we have may be just that , the relationships we think we have. Not in fact the relationships we do have.
What it means also is that when we are critical of a relationship we are really being critical of ourselves. For example if you are critical of your mates laziness you are probably reflecting your own. Most of your criticism of others is really a criticism of yourself.
The good thing about all this even though it may sound confusing is that if you want to improve your relationships you have to improve your own inner self. Work on your self esteem,self confidence, your compassion, work on all those things that make you a better person.
Also you must work on and improve the relationships you have with other people because in doing this you are improving yourself, they are in reality much the same thing.
This is all bout loving yourself and loving unconditionally if you do not love yourself there is no way you can love others.
For further information see Steve Pavlin's article Understanding Human Relationships
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/

John Condliffe is writing a new book- Daughters: Seven Things I Have To Tell You